Here's Five: Tauranga Music Sux

Self-deprecating promotors of the Bay Of Plenty music scene, Tauranga Music Sux is celebrating four years of existence next week. The local low-brow label has placed a lot of feathers in its cap over the last few years, strengthening a scene that is largely overlooked and building a community for musical miscreants, as well as putting on a bunch of kick ass shows that have involved burning large phalluses, WWF-style wrestling, 80s prom outfits and performances in tunnels.

To celebrate their fourth birthday TMS are holding a gig on the 4th of April with four great acts lined up: Pumice, Greg Malcolm, Edward Gains and Zig Beatnik. And in anticipation, UnderTheRadar asked label founder Scowlin' Wolf to take us for a little walk down memory lane with some of the offerings TMS has served up over the years, and this is what he came up with...

1. Bob McBob - Crabstick vs Battered Sausage (2011)
Back when I was still writing hate filled zines that no one was reading one man stumbled across Tauranga Music Sux Issue 1, sought me out and sent me a song. Four years later this is still the greatest song about ordering a Crabstick but instead receiving a Battered Sausage in its place to come out of Tauranga.

2. Pairs - Live in the TMS Tunnel (2012)
This will forever rank as my favourite Tauranga Music Sux gig. Before this event people didn't come to events in Tauranga that weren't sponsored by The Edge and headlined by Tiki Taane. Officially the third Tunnel gig, this however was the first that people actually came to. Maybe it was the inviting warmth of a crisp summers day, the fact Pairs had the exotic tag of being from China or that Muzai had done a great job of marketing but this was Tauranga's turning point.

3. The Tunneling Our Way to Infamy Tour (2012)
Originally conceived as a co-tour to promote Threat.Meet.Protocol and Josef Fritzls Family Jamborees 'Split Roast' EP, TMP had to enlist long forgotten TMS originals Blind Lemsip Jefferson and Professor Deadaddledbrain to make up the numbers after the Josef Fritzls were arrested for imprisoning their daughter/lovers. Optimistically planned as a 24-date, two day tour of all the tunnels spanning the North Island this number quickly halved after getting lost, running behind schedule and getting run out of a couple of smaller towns by the friendly fuzz.

4. Burning Wang (2013)
Of all the shitty gigs Tauranga Music Sux have staged the one that gets the most requests to be repeated is Burning Wang. But how can one better a five-metre, pyro-ejaculate spurting, wood-and-nail constructed burning penis effigy while Diving played their last and greatest set in amongst 14 other of New Zealand's best acts on two stages over the course of a night? Six metres, 16 bands you say... you do it then fuckholes. We've got bigger plans.

5. Lazarus Volt vs Scowlin Wolf (2014)
Really I should use this final space to promote one of the killer bands Tauranga has produced over the past four years; Super Narco Man, Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple, Flogging a Dead One Horse Town, The Prophet Motive, Wheatbags Anonymous, Threat.Meet.Protocol, Eskimo Pussy, The Flaming TeaBags, All Hail the Fun Killers, Liberated Squid, Mk Ultra, Ant Wars, Spork, Diehards of Deep Dish, Gallus Storky, Goldheart Mountain Tops, Big Dick and the Jammerz, Molly Gunn, The Elements etc but my ego is waaaaaayyyyyyy too big and beyond 'Cock' nothing says TMS like Pro Wrestling. Live from the craptacular that started it all, Bummerslam.

Tauranga Music Sux is celebrating its 4th birthday with a show on Saturday 4th April at the Historic Village in Tauranga featuring Pumice, Greg Malcolm, Edward Gains and Zig Beatnik. Head over here for more information.