KOHA ENTRY (ALL PROCEEDS DONATED TO THE GALÁPAGOS CONSERVATION TRUST)
SPECIAL GUESTS TO BE ANNOUNCED
Last time any of us heard about the half-man, half-crab mutant known simply as Crabman, he was living a quiet and serene life on Spider Island in the Galápagos, raising a Game of Thrones-watching baby son with the beautiful and giant Spider Queen. Things were going well for Crabman, having left behind his tormented past, having regrown the claw that he lost in the mass slaughtering of arachnids that led him to the centre of the island and its Queen's nest, and having released a beloved and musically earth-shattering debut album of bangers that brought the Auckland City alternative music scene to its knees.
But alas, this time of happiness for our hero was not to last. Crabman has been captured by his long-term nemesis, the NYPD, for his supposed role in the 2017 robbery of a large bank in Manhattan. Using information that Crabman himself distributed to the world in the lyrics of his beloved 2018 debut album Crabman Goes to Spider Island, the feds were able to pinpoint the current location of their suspect, and Crabman was taken into custody in January 2019.
After a painful first month of imprisonment during which Crabman repeatedly incited NYPD officers to the point of violence through continual chanting of the phrase Brooklyn 99 is overrated, an agreement was reached between the man-crab hybrid and the police: on the 15th of March 2019, Crabman will undertake a musical performance at Auckland's Wine Cellar, with all proceeds from the show being donated directly to the Galapagos Conservation Trust.
When asked for comment, Crabman answered: BE THERE OR UR A FUCKING SQUARE. FOLLOW ME ON INSTA @FUCKOFFCRABMAN.
Listen to Crabman Goes to Spider Island now:
Spotify: https://sptfy.com/1DG3
Bandcamp: https://crabman.bandcamp.com
